Attack

A casa c’era stata una discussione violenta. Mia sorella era incinta e urlava piangendo che non voleva abortire. Mia madre voleva picchiare mia nonna, allora ho cercato di fermarla. Ho chiamato la polizia e quando sono arrivati mia madre ha detto che io volevo picchiarla. Me ne andai furioso a casa di mio cognato. Lì come sempre c’era la televisione accesa, l’odore di fumo misto a quello di detersivo e il caffè già zuccherato in caffettiera servito nei bicchierini di plastica. In TV c’erano le prime immagini dell’attacco alle torri gemelle, la suocera di mia sorella era sconvolta, faceva qualche commento ma io non reagivo granché. Respiravo a fatica e fumavo, sentivo che il caffè non mi faceva bene. Poi andai a piedi in città, come al solito. In salita arrancavo, arrivai davanti al cinema dove dovevo incontrarmi con la mia ragazza. Il petto mi faceva male, dovevo piegarmi in avanti. Una donna mi soccorse, chiamò l’ambulanza e la mia ragazza arrivò mentre mi caricavano. All’ospedale mi trattennero qualche giorno per accertamenti, ancora non lo sapevo che cosa fosse un attacco di panico. Quella sera venne mia madre a trovarmi. Ci abbracciammo piangendo, io piangevo sulle sue tette grandi. Le tette della mamma, che bello!

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There had been a violent argument at home. My sister was pregnant and she was screaming crying that she didn't want to have an abortion. My mother wanted to hit my grandmother, so I tried to stop her. I called the police and when they arrived my mother told them that I wanted to hit her. I stormed off to my brother-in-law's house. There, as always, the television was on, the smell of smoke mixed with that of detergent and already sweetened coffee served in plastic cups. The TV was showing the first images of the September 11 attacks. My sister's mother-in-law was shocked, she made some comments but I didn't react much. I was breathing hard and smoking, I felt that coffee wasn't good for me. Then I walked into town as usual. I struggled uphill, I arrived in front of the cinema where I had to meet my girlfriend. My chest was hurting, I had to lean forward. A woman rescued me, she called an ambulance and my girlfriend arrived as they loaded me. At the hospital they kept me for a few days for tests, I still didn't know what a panic attack was. That evening my mother came to see me. We embraced crying, I cried on her big boobs. Mommy's boobs, how beautiful!